Finding The Balance

Having a special needs child, whether severe or mild, in a largish family means finding a balance.  Does my daughter who has anxiety, sensory, and communication/social difficulties come with us and we risk a meltdown or do we stay home and her four brothers miss out on things?  It really is an on-going battle.

I want the best for each one of my kids but being in a family with five kids means sacrifices.  Sacrifices on my part, sacrifices on her part, and sacrifices on my other kids' parts.  I would love to be the picture perfect family.  Go anywhere, do anything, whenever we want, and whenever we want - but that's not us.  Some days we just have to stay home.  Some days we go out and my daughter has a meltdown.  She shuts down, curls up in a ball, screams and hits me, cries, or she screams and yells at your kid and I apologize profusely.  But more often than not we seem to be that regular family.  We go out and everyone tells me they don't understand why we skipped that baseball game because she's just fine - there's nothing wrong with her.  I just don't always know when it will happen.

We've spent a great deal of time figuring out the triggers - situations which just aren't a good fit for our girl.  However, you can't always predict what will happen, what someone might say or do.  But when someone else needs or wants to go somewhere or do something that I have a feeling will offset my daughter, I am back at square one.  Who comes first?  Our son or our daughter?  It really is a never ending battle. 

There are days that I wish we had known at birth that this is who she would be.  Then I wonder if we would have stopped having children so we could better care for her.  We have only had one child since things got difficult at age four.  Would we go back and do things differently?  I have no clue.  But I do know that her neuro-developmental pediatrician has told me repeatedly that having siblings has been the BEST thing for her.  And I agree.  

She has brought so much joy to each one of our lives.  And while I am sure she frustrates them, they will always be there for her.  When we are gone, they will still be here.  I really don't know what her future holds.  There is no reason to think she won't have a great and bright future.  But for right now, we take it one day at a time.  And I rest assured knowing she will always have them.

Disclaimer:  I am not an expert on Autism Spectrum Disorders or Sensory Processing Disorders or Childhood Anxiety.  This blog is our journey, our story, our experiences.  All children on the Spectrum are unique and each and every family is different.